$!%# Said at Home

Going solo there are so many things that Adrienne did or had to deal with which are now rearing their head in my life that I am starting to see why she wanted a semester at school away.  Here are a few of the things that are now being heard echoing in this house or in other aspects in our lives:

"HOW LONG HAS THIS THING BEEN ON?"

I have found myself asking this several time over the past few weeks and it usually applies to something that is capable of catching fire. "How long has the over been on for?"  "Did I leave the iron on all day?" "How long has the lawn tractor been running?"  And the most dangerous,  "Charlotte, how long have you had that same pair of underwear on?"  I am not sure if in this picture she is giving me a count or just a timid waive to avoid an answer.

"STOP DANCING, SIT DOWN, AND EAT YOUR DINNER!"

With mom gone and the dinner conversation quickly regressing to pre-pubescent toilet based banter, I have been playing more Pandora and louder than normal.  This cuts down on all of the kid sounds (see section on popcorn below), but I am repeatedly asking Charlotte to stop dancing and sit down.  This problem even extends to work time.  Ronin likes to come in, sit on my lap, listen to music, and jam.    

"IT IS 11:00 PM AND A SCHOOL NIGHT! TIME FOR BED."

Adrienne was always good about getting the kids to bed so they could get some sleep and she could keep her sanity.  I am finding that if I do not watch the kids closely, they will stay up all night and look like this when it is time to get up for school in the morning...

 Or even just pass out on the wooded floor while Skype-ing family out west. 

"WHO WANTS A HUG?"

I started Insanity the week after Adrienne left. Knowing I injured my back for 6 months the first time I tried it, I was reluctant.  It has been great though. Even with Shawn T constantly yelling "Let's go!" all the time.  (Pronounced LESSSSSKOOOOOOOO).  Tons of sweat.  Still I can't seem to get the girls to hug me when I am finished. 

"I MISS MOMMY."

This is most commonly uttered when daddy is angry or if story time is missed.  While we miss the mama, she seems to be doing quite well in school.  Plenty of reading, stimulating conversations, and even Mother's Day flowers... "Kids, What?  I have kids?" 

"I THOUGHT I JUST DID THIS LAUNDRY?"

For one week the laundry was manageable, but no one mentioned that I would have to do it again!  It is like Ground Hog's Day.  I know that I just washed these things.  I actually have a sneaking suspicion that rather than putting their laundry away, the kids are just dumping the clean clothes back in their dirty clothes hamper just to avoid putting them away.  Two probable suspects appear below:

"CAN WE GO OUT TO EAT?"

Despite being a dad capable of making food like BBQ chicken, grilled Caesar salad, curry aioli, Parker House rolls, and cauliflower cheese mashed potatoes...

...all the kids want to do is eat this...

 I guess I look pretty happy too.


"HOW ABOUT TEXTING ME A SEXY PIC?"

Yah, I should have known better than to have asked.

Still she is sexy and that is a rather low neckline... for BYU and the Muslim world.  I'll take it!

"YOU ARE NOT A PUPPY!"

Still, if (as Batman says) our actions define us, then his whizzing on the lawn, drinking out of bowls, and constantly burying his nose where he oughtn't while I am doing the dishes suggest he is in fact a puppy or canine of sorts. 

"I AM SANTA CLAUS!"

Yes... yes you are.  Now make my Christmas wish come true and finish the dishes.

DO YOU SMELL POPCORN?

I think that Patrick stole this from a Will Farrell skit, but whenever wind is broken (which is not an irregular occurrence, as I noted 13 infractions while editing this post alone), the kids ask those in the room if they smell popcorn. Since everyone LOVES the smell of popcorn, they trick them into taking a giant sniff and then... "Oh man!"  Fleeing, praying, opening windows, diving into fallout shelters ensues. Without a mother about, it's like a movie theater concession stand around here (in fact while writing this very post, Ronin on my lap, cozied up to me, and let one fly.  NUTS!). 

"DON'T BURP ON ME!"

Says the 3 year old to the 10 year old.  He had a legitimate complaint as she did in fact maliciously belch upon her younger, sweeter, little brother (Dad giving her the evil eye at this very moment - similar the picture above, just substitute daughters).

"WE ARE DOING FINE."

Despite all of the preceding, all in all, we are doing just fine (and even eating in on most nights).