How We of ADD Struggle to Pray unto Thee - The Lord's Prayer as Offered by a Man with ADD

As a devout Christian, I know the importance of prayer.  As a man with ADD, or more probably ADHD, I know that maintaining focused spiritual thought to commune with the Almighty can often be a losing endeavor.  So in the tradition of... SQUIRREL!... here is The Lord’s Prayer: ADD version:


Our Father, 
[should I be saying "our Father" when it is just me praying?  Or should it be "my Father? "  No, that sounds too much like “Oh My Father,” I might just start singing my prayers… but that works for Buddhist...focus dude]

who art in heaven, 
[Wouldn't it be funny if God's name was "Art"... who is Art in Heaven... but not Garfunkel, that might be sacrilegious… especially the hair...]

hallowed be thy Name, 
[Which could be Art…]

thy kingdom come,
[I ought to take the kids to Disney World again; they loved the Magic Kingdom last year.  I hope Space Mountain will be open this time.   I wonder what it looks like with the lights on.  I bet it is just a normal roller coaster…oh yah…concentrate man!...]

thy will be done, 
[I don't have a will.  I think I need one.  Maybe I could try that Legalzoom website.  It beats hiring some crooked lawyer.  I bet there isn’t a single lawyer in heaven…right...]

on earth as it is in heaven
[**music starts**...Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years; There was only you and me; We were young and wild and free…]

Give us this day our daily bread.
[I should throw some dough in the breadmaker and cook some scones in the morning.  That would rock with jam and honey. I should get the butter out too.  Ooooh, I could mix up some honey-butter.  Do you really put dough in the breadmaker or something else?  I guess it would be ingredients to make dough, wouldn't it.  That takes too long to say.  There needs to be a word for the all of the stuff you put in a breadmaker...]

And forgive us our trespasses,
[No Trespassing. Private Property.  Beware of Dog!...]

as we forgive those
[My knees are starting to hurt; I should get a pillow to kneel on, but isn't that a Muslims thing?  Wait, I have seen cushions at a Catholic Mass. But that was in a cathedral with stone floors.  I have carpet in my room.  I am a religious wuss.   I never would have made it in the pioneers days...]

who trespass against us. 
[If Dr. Who travels in time in the TARDIS and he lands on private property, is that trespassing?...]

And lead us not into temptation, 
[Why would God lead us INTO temptation?  But if He did, I am sure he would do a perfect job at it.  I wonder if that is what happened at Mandy Judkin party back in the 8th grade.  Hope Mom never finds out about that one...]

but deliver us from evil. 
[Yes, deliver us from... Dr. Evil…hehehe...]

For thine is the kingdom and the power, 
[** cue more music**  I’ve Got the Power…]

and the glory, 
[Wasn't Ferris Bueller the commanding officer of The Man in Black in the movie Glory?  That seems very backwards…]

for ever and ever.
[Could I just say 'forever squared?'  That would have the same meaning in fewer words. God does know math…]

 Amen
[Wow, I prayed for a full 20 minutes, those are some big brownie points in heaven!... SQUIRREL!]