Dos and Don'ts of a Family Road Trip

• Don't go to Mexican food the night before the trip. The repeated air purging of all four windows and the sunroof cause far to much wear on the window motors and can equally diminish the life span of the inhabitants of the car. 

• Do order your kids seating arrangement in the car based upon the propensity for complaining, with the largest whiner furthest in the back... preferably under a blanket... surrounded by pillows... with the music up real loud (note who is in back in the splash picture). 
  
• Do try to convince your kids that by pushing cruise control the driver can take a nap, then close your right eye and lean you head back. And do be prepared for little girl screams and an education about the "Google Car."
  
• Don't play the Alphabet game (where you try find all of the letter of the alphabet on street signs and billboards) while driving through Nevada...

...You get "A" at the state line and you are not getting "B" until you come upon the giant "BM" on the mountain, a good BM helps some things, but only helps a little in the alphabet game. 

• Do try to come up with better rhymes for the road information signs than the California highway division:

"If you toot and drive 

Unroll your windows to stay alive"

• Don't try to play Settlers of Catan, Jenga, or Twister in the car. Just don't even try. 

• Don't give you 5 year old control of the cooler drink supply or you will be stopping to pee every 20 miles. And don't trust any yellow Gatorade with a broken safety seal. 

• Don't try to find any food other than McDonalds that a five year old wants to eat... because it doesn't exist. 

• Don't tell your kids you are driving through "Wine Country" because it sounds just like "Whine Country" and they might to get in the spirit of the region.
• Do bring extra wet wipes in case a certain thumb-sucking 5 year old gets sand on said thumb at the beach and doesn't like the taste of dirt for some reason.
• Do be prepared to answer tough kid questions while driving through San Francisco:  "Dad, why is that male mannequin wearing a dress?", "Dad, why does that store sell whips and leather swim suits?", "Dad, why is that theater named 'Touch Our Junk?'"