You may have seen the social media hullabaloo de jure involving this American Red Cross summer pool safety poster. The poster purports to inform is what is cool and is not cool at the pool while you are out of school. Despite this sound like Jesse Jackson-ism, or maybe because of it, many out in social medial have decried this poster as overly representing minorities as engaging in "Not Cool" activities. As such junior high spurns tend to permanently injure the fragile psyche of our modern society, outrage must naturally ensue.
Yet, as I examined this poster closer and closer, I find myself agreeing with the social media mob, I am outraged too. As an armchair political commentator and former neighborhood pool lifeguard, I take serious issue with much of what is represented American Red Cross in the poster. While I am not sure if I should write to my senator, congressman, or the UN regarding this outrage, I shall outline the many glaring errors and offenses which are replete in this poster for your consideration:
Why on earth isn't the synchronized swimming, even when bi-racially attempted, labeled as “
Not Cool.” I don’t care if it's an Olympic sport or a staple of 1950's cinema, it never has been and never will be "cool." The Red Cross failed to warn us and our children of such a large risk of being uncool the summer. Shame on you!
Is the Red Cross suggesting that the white kid can't catch the black kid? It doesn't even matter if the Khoisan kid (he does not appear to be Bantu) is a bit stubbier than his white playmate (an offense to little people even?), the Caucasian boy clearly isn't fast enough. Heck, he isn't even athletic enough to jump over the puddle. Nope, the white men (even in their prepubescent state) can't jump stereo type is alive an strong.
Who is the aquatic recreational design genius that opted to put the diving board at an end of the pool so shallow that this redheaded girl is walking across? I think that I would characterize permanent spinal injuries as "Not Cool." I do believe that the "Not Cool" label of the kid diving into the shallow end of the pool is justly deserved. This is not just because he is diving into three foot deep pool, but also because he is executing this dive in manner where he nearly landed on a redhead. What fool knowingly taunts fate by risking the ire of the redheaded furry of the Emerald Isles? Just not smart... or just not much experience with redheads.
Are we just going to ignore the giant levitating aquatic mammal in the corner sporting a whistle? Anyone? I don't think whales even have lips to blow the whistle anyway, which might explain all of the rule breaking?
I kind of think that the gawky Chinese girl who ruined the grading curve in math class last semester deserves a good shove in the pool. I don’t care what race does the pushing, we have all wanted to do it at some point.
What kind of footwork is this for the backstroke? I swam for several years and though my backstroke was never very good, I can’t recall any backstroke kick that would require anyone to angle their legs 90° downward while the other one is straight. Bad swim instruction = Not Cool.
“Look! I just took my swimsuit off in public!” Nope. Exhibitionism is never cool, even when done to your favorite minority friend.
Nice try Red Cross! The Justin Bieber haircut is never cool. I hope tax dollars didn't pay for this.
Honestly, I cannot figure out what this kid is even doing. Heck, I can't even tell if this kids is black, Indian, Latino, or my nephew Grant with a good tan. I don't know, maybe in this case the Red Cross IS saying it's uncool to be a minority - or uncool to not use sunblock.
.... A white guy with the bottle of Sriracha sauce? Nice try Whity. Leave the hot stuff to ethnicities having historically consumed foods with more kick than salted cod. Not cool! Though perhaps this could be an Asian guy. Darn sunglasses, they sometimes make it so hard to tell if I should be offended or not.
And what I find truly most insulting is that the American Red Cross suggests that all races; whites, blacks (both Khoisan and Bantu), Latinos, Indians, and Asians would ever all swim in the same pool… with a redhead. What has the world come do; dogs and cat living together, mass hysteria!
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