Thursday, June 8, 2017

LDS Temple Cancellation and Clearance Process: What to Expect in Preparing for Take 2 on Eternity

As I am now engaged to the lovely Julie and the Moose laden dating stories have come to an end, I thought I would dedicate a post to an educational topic – the LDS Temple clearance/cancellation process.  When Julie and I first started on this process, we were surprised, and somewhat frustrated, at what little information there was about what to expect and how long it would take.  To this end, I thought I would share some of the details that I ascertained as we went through the process ourselves.  I will do my best to minimize the bad jokes that typically litter this blog, but no promises.

For those readers not familiar with LDS marriages, the goal is to be married for time and eternity in a temple. This is the highest target for a couple and as such, a large majority of we Mormons are married in temples for time and eternity.  Unfortunately, for some of our now former spouses, “time” was plenty long enough and probably even too long. So when you finally find that special someone… again… this eternal “sealing” is still in place despite a civil divorce, thus requiring a clearance/cancellation in order to have another go at eternity. 


Cancellation vs. Clearance
The first bit of information that is important to know is whether you need a "cancellation" or a "clearance."  In general, men who are still currently sealed to another woman, even though divorced, must get a clearance and women must get their sealing cancelled from their former spouse. Basically, the clearance allows the man to be sealed to the additional woman without cancelling the first sealing.  Yes, yes my feminist friends this on its face sounds like men collecting wives like they collect guns.  However, as it was explained to me, since a sealing ordinance is incredibly important the goal is not to deprive the woman of the blessings of a sealing just because the husband has moved on.  The men, I guess they are on their own. Agreeing with this reasoning or not, this is what I was told.  Now as a woman cannot be sealed to more than one man, unless they are deceased (which is usually when us men behave the best anyway), she must obtain a temple cancellation prior to being sealed to her new husband.  All clear here I hope?


Step 1: Find Future Spouse, Be Worthy
The first step on this cancellation/clearance journey is to actually find someone who will marry you and then ask her (or accept the proposal as the case may be). This may seem obvious, but in most cases you will not be permitted to begin this process until you are engaged.  I have been told that it is possible for a woman to obtain a cancellation even if not engaged, but I suspect this is the exception.  Also, you cannot begin this cancellation/clearance process until you both have temple recommends.  So finding a good one will make this much easier.  Fixer-upper relationships will require more time.


Step 2: Talk To Your Bishop(s) and Have a LDS.org Account
The very first step in obtaining a cancellation or a clearance is for each of you to speak with your Bishops. Tell him what your plans are, what your current sealing status is, and when you’re hoping to get married in the temple. He will also want to know about the person you’re marrying, so again, get engaged first.  The most current version of the process (as of June 2017) is all online and tied to your LDS.org account.  This streamlines the process very much, but you will need your LDS.org login and password.  Also, I believe that my bishop needed my fiance's member number and both of your email addresses. This way, the two requests can be linked together in the system during the process.  Your Bishop will push a magic button somewhere on his LDS.org account and your process will begin by receiving an email from church headquarters.  This bishop can only send this email for a member who is in his ward, so you will both need to talk to your bishops and give them the same information to both get a starter email.


Step 3: Fill Out Your Online Form
Once you get the email and open it, you will need to fill in a few bits of information.   I cannot remember exactly what it was, but it was pretty rudimentary, such as choosing a pulldown that you are divorced or widowed.  The second section is more interesting. First, in my clearance form I was asked to state the reason for my divorce. I don’t know how many characters you can put here, but I think you can write a lot.  Personally, I kept it short and sweet as I didn’t feel the need to make the brethren in Salt Lake read an essay, or even worse one of my blog posts.  Now my fiancĂ© said that hers was worded differently, she was asked how she “felt” about her divorce and the cancellation. I cannot confirm if this was an actual difference or if we just perceive the question differently, but it could be that men are more asked about facts and women asked about feelings, our respective wheelhouses – inspiration there. Now you can go to town and tear your ex to shreds, but I’m not sure you arguing your case is going to help you that much.  I have a hunch that it actually hurts you more, but that is just a guess - remember that whole 'turn the other cheek' thing?

Once you complete this section on the reasons for your divorce or singlehood, you are also requested to write down “all transgressions” committed since your first sealing, even those that have already been resolved by church authorities. I suspect this could be a tough one and for a literalist, it seems slightly over-broad to me as “all transgressions” could include glowering a little too long at the checkout lady at Walmart. My guess is that they are looking for serious transgressions, but they don’t want you to try to hide anything relevant either. 

Step 4: Bishops’ Cancellation Interviews
Once your online form is submitted, you need to set up a meeting with each of your bishops for the two of you together. The bishop cannot meet with you until the form for the member who is in his ward has been submitted.  So if the man's form is submitted, but hers is not, you can still meet with his bishop.  Now the scope of this interview caught me off guard. I suspected it was a worthiness interview or a “what went wrong in your last marriage” interview. Neither was true. The bishop is asked to assess whether you two as a couple are going to “make it”. He will probably ask how long you’ve known each other, how long you’ve dated, how you feel about each other, how you know you are right for each other, etc. I think the easiest explanation is that because a sealing is so important, they’re trying to avoid repeat cancellation customers.  Let’s face it, many of us have already failed once and the odds are not on our side.  A little skepticism may be healthy.  Also, I believe that my bishop received a copy of the online form, but I’m not certain as he did not ask about it. The Bishop will also ask for the email address of your ex which starts the most tricky part of the clearance process, giving your ex a say.


Step 5: Your Exes’ Turn
Once your Bishop gets your ex’s email address, he will send him or her their own link or request for comment. I actually don’t know what version my ex received, as you can imagine, we don’t hang out much together these days. By default, the church gives your ex 30 days to provide input into your cancellation/clearance.  If they don’t answer in these 30 days, they do not get to comment.  My ex likewise mentioned that her letter asked how she “felt” about the clearance.  

This is where a good relationship with your ex does help. If you’re in a hurry, you can ask your ex to please respond before the 30 days (as we were hoping to get sealed prior to my son shipping off to the Marine Corps).  In my case, my ex-wife agreed to provide a response within a week if I could drop off an elliptical that had been left in limbo at my house after the divorce.  Eternity for an elliptical, birthright for pottage, who am I to judge?  In truth she was very good about it and as my daughter said, "that ship has sailed, she is over you dad".  So that helped move things along.  Unfortunately, my fiance's ex was not so persuaded by home gym equipment.  He said he wanted to take his time to consider the request and to prepare a response.  He chose to take 28 days to draft a response.  That is all I will say about it in a public blog post (though I am rolling my eyes and shaking my head - fortunately you can't see me).   


Step 6: Your Stake President Interviews
Once your exes’ letters have been submitted, you essentially repeat your bishops interview with your stake president.  Now your stake president will also be able to fill you in on the process (though hopefully I can give you some heads up here first). Your stake president will likewise assess whether you have 'the right stuff' to make it as a couple. As the First Presidency really can’t consider every single cancellation/clearance in extensive detail, they rely heavily on the stake president’s recommendations as to how to proceed. Admittedly, mine expressed concern that we had not known each other all that long. Julie’s stake president, on the other hand, did not have any reservations and walked us through the process. He indicated that the brethren usually look at cancellation/clearance requests on Thursdays and that letters go out after that, though my timing suggested they may meet on a Wednesday.  I believe that the stake president is able to read both your and your ex’s letters, but again neither of ours commented about this at all.  So don’t expect to learn what your ex said about you.

Also, we were told that the First Presidency considers both applications together, in our case a cancellation and a clearance. So don’t be expecting a letter from Salt Lake until sometime after both applications have been submitted.


Step 7: Waiting
I hate waiting, but as frustrating as waiting is, the new process is pretty fast.   In the past I have heard of people needing several months or even several years to get a cancellation or clearance request done.  I believe the church changed practices several years ago to streamline this process greatly with online tools.  Our time from request to response was about 6 weeks.  I am thinking this was really fast.

For reference, here are the key dates in our process to show the times between steps.  There were two bishop interviews and two stake present interviews here, though I only listed the last of these dates as they were the gates to the next step. We did get some cooperation from some great bishops, stake presidents, and executive secretaries to get interview scheduled quickly, so it may take longer than this.

April 6 – Popped the question; she said yes
April 12 – Received and completed online form
April 13 – Had interview with Bishop
April 20 – Ex 1 submitted letter in 6 days (thanks)
May 16 – Ex 2 submitted letter in 28 days (no thanks)
May 17 – Met with Stake President
May 24 – Letter from First Presidency mailed from Salt Lake
May 27 – Letter received in the mail


Step 8: The Response (and Plot Twist)
We were both excited to receive a letter so quickly back from Salt Lake; less than two weeks to have letters in hand (temple dates cannot be scheduled until you have a letter in hand), this was much better than I had expected.  This was the blessing and also the plot twist. While the cancellation and clearance were granted, they came with a proviso that we not get sealed for a year from the date of the letter. This came as a bit of a shock to say the least as we both had recommends and were planning to go to the temple. There was no reason for this waiting period given. We have heard from a few people that this is somewhat common for second marriages. I cannot confirm this.  Yet knowing that there is such a high divorce rate for second marriages, I can see the wisdom in this, as long as it is applied to someone else, it was definitely a letdown, but I’m guessing if you are going through this process, you have lived through worse trials.

The letter also said that if we got married civilly, we need to wait a year from that marriage date before getting sealed in the temple.  So being asked to wait a year to get sealed and waiting a year after a civil marriage, the math suggests getting married civilly sooner rather than later so both of those year waiting periods will toll at the same time.  But we are good to get sealed a year from our wedding date!


Step 9: Living Ordinance Interview
The last line of your letter will tell you that you need to obtain a “Living Ordinance Recommend” prior to being sealed. This is a recommend that requires interviews from each of your bishops and stake presidents.  So an additional four more interviews for the two of you. You don’t necessarily need to attend as a couple, but you each need to meet with your own bishop and stake president. It’s my understanding that this is akin to a Temple Recommend interview, but alas, we did not pass GO or collect $200. So keep in mind, that you will probably need a couple of weeks after receiving your clearance/cancellation letter to get these interviews completed. My guess is that you will need roughly 10 weeks, best case scenario, to get through the process prior to going to the temple.


So there you go. There is the process for getting a temple clearance/cancellation… well, almost. I guess I’ll update this post in a year to fill in the final details that I might have missed.  I hope this has proven helpful.  Good luck and congratulations.



6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. I know you wrote this a few years ago but this has been really helpful! I was divorced 11 years ago and my husband of 7 years just joined the church! We're considering what things will be like in a year when he'll be able to attend the temple. I'm not looking forward to this process much, bringing up long gone issues and hurts, but I appreciate understanding what to expect!

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  3. Super helpful. Thank you! Would love that update from a year later if you were sealed.

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  4. Thank you so much for this!

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  5. The ex spouse has an opportunity to comment. What happens if the ex spouse is dead?

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  6. Is it a requirement for the spouse be notified that the marriage and sealing is being dissolved?

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