How To Take The Perfect Vacation Photo

On our recent family vacation to Arizona, I finally broke out the SLR camera to get some real, non-iPhone shots that look good when enlarged and that don't require me to add a bunch of filters to the photos to make up for their bad quality and call them artistic.  In examining the results I thought I would share my keys to the perfect family vacation photos:

Frame the Picture:
Frame the kids against a majestic back drop, but next time have someone help keep that four-year-old in place...

...or just have a stranger take the photo you have framed so you can hold the four-year-old as he attempts to induce vomiting...

Expose Children to High Degrees of Danger:
I like to capture that photo where the kids are just on the brink of disaster.  When a kids yells "Daddy help!" I know now to grab my camera first, then come running.  That look of fear saying "What have I gotten myself into" always photos well...

Anytime you can see a kid and no earth below them also works...

Or even posing a kid over the edge of one of the largest holes on Earth (would have been even cooler if there was lava at the bottom)...

...and if there is no immanent danger to life, then at least photo danger of getting a rather wet tot round buttocks...

Shoot for Uniformity:
If you have people who can never get their smile right, just group them all in the same photo for interest...

Don't Waste SD Card Space on Unhappy Kids:

"We have determined the solution to improve the low morale is to fire all of the unhappy people."  The same idea can apply to photographing kids...

...especially nearly teenage daughters...

Sex Appeal:
A little skin can make for a good photo...

...but too much of the wrong kind of skin can just ruin one...

Rock the Shades:
Sunglasses can make everyone look cool; it is just preferred not to have two sister try to share the same pair.

Offer Your Subject Inspiration:
Try to inspire your kids with their surroundings, such as the Grand Canyon.  And inspire them to behave by threatening to throw them into said canyon if they do not cooperate with the photographer...

...or tell then if they don't look cute you will sit them on top of that prickly cactus...

Add in Some Ancient Art:
You can throw in some native petroglyphs (sorry spell check, that is a real word) and for interest, crawl into the crevasse where the drawings are and let your fourteen-year-old get as close as possible without violating any federal laws...

...then let the old guy stick his head in too since he in not a minor...

Just Don't Even Bother with a Four-Year-Old:
That $#% kids will never smile...

..or open his eys...

...unless Dad's hand is in front of his face trying to restrain him from fall over a cliff...

...or if Dad is attempting to eat him...

Get a Few Photograph of the Trip's Patron:

Dad paid for this trip, so get a few photos of him so he can prove he was there.  It might even surprise you how well he photographs (the sunglasses help)...

...uh, nevermind.  Don't take anymore photos of Dad...ever, ever again...

Have Attractive Kids:
The perfect photo can be helped along when you have incredibly attractive kids who know how to work the nature shots and know how to smile...

...but there are other thirteen-year-olds who can only manage to look like a disgruntled senior citizen.

Get Blackmail Photo:
Make sure you capture the evidence of your four-year-old attempting to destroy fragile National Park geological formations...

Forget Any Technique You Think You Know:

Just forget trying to frame and pose the perfect photo.  Set the dumb camera in a rock, hit the timer button, and run quickly in front of the lens to get your best photo of the trip...

...but you will still never get that four year-old to smile!