This may sound a little tongue-n-cheek, but my kids will testify to the accuracy of the recounting of Dad's Ski School. Now you might think that you can predict the outcome when a sadistic father drags his son to the top of a mountain on his maiden ski day and gives him a shove. I bet you are thinking, 'He is going to fall on his face every 20 feet.' You would be wrong. He fell on his butt every 10 feet. In fact, I think his butt saw more contact time with the mountain than his skis that first run. I remember the frustrated groans each time he ate it; again and again and again... and one more time. Yet, as predicted by Issac Newton, he did finally skid to the bottom of the mountain in an exhausted heap. His fall count was a conservative 30+ times on that run.
Was he frustrated? Absolutely. Did he hate skiing? At that moment; with a passions. But the day was still young and he knew his Dad wasn't letting him off that easily. Now having context for what he was up against, I took him to the J-Bar of the little Bunny Hill. After the travails of the full mountain, however, the Bunny Hill was a breeze. He spent a few trips practicing up on his weakness that were exposed on the mountain - mostly turning and stopping (without aid of a tree at least). He got the gist of it pretty quickly. Filling these immediate deficiencies in his skiing skills, I took him up to the top of the mountain for the second time in his life. Three. Yes, the number was three. He fell only three times that entire second run. Now, what credit do I deserve as a father? What DID I do? ...NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Sometimes the best parenting a father or mother can offer their progeny is to take a sideline view to their spectacular failures. Sound cruel? In the short term, perhaps. In the long term, it is the kindest thing a parent can do. Let 'em fail. Walking is best learned by falling. Making art is learned by making crap. Culinary greatness is achieved by create hockey pucks. As a society we have become so overly worried about failing that we often forget that is OK try and to fail trying. We fear the failure so much, that we miss the thrill of trying and possibility of achieving something great and finding the genius within. The chance of getting off that Bunny Hill after only a few minutes and having the freedom to ski the rest of the day on your own... metaphorically and literally too.
So if you fear to fail, here are a few of my suggestions to encourage you and your kids to feel free to fail away:
There you go. Go and try it with your kids. Or more to the point, don't try with your kids. Let them try themselves. Let them mix up the salt and sugar in their cookie recipe. Let their heads go under water for a few second when first learning to swim (though knowing CPR is recommended). Let them fall on their keisters when they first try ice skating...
Because you never know, they just might be flying moments later....
So if you fear to fail, here are a few of my suggestions to encourage you and your kids to feel free to fail away:
- When you learn to fail young, you are too dumb (or just not jaded enough) to quit trying. You entrench a persistent attitude and keep that into your adult life. Now I am not saying that you shouldn't intervene when you child brings together a wading pool, a 220 volts AC outlet, and a paperclip, but if it is not life threatening (or salvation threatening), give them space. There are worse things than taking your kid to get stitched up here and there.
- Failing early and failing quickly not only teaches you a lot of ways to NOT to do things, but it allows you to quickly learn what you do well naturally. I mean really, why waste time learning a natural talent?
- When you step back and let someone try something all by themselves, giving them room to fail, they will learn that they can teach themselves... and they do. Back in Mongolia, I was assigned as the trainer over a fellow missionary who had been in country for nearly a year, but could barely speak the language. After giving my part of our first lesson taught together in the Mongolian language, I handed the lesson off to him. Startled he said, "I don't speak Mongolian." My response was, "Well I'm not your translator... Go." He did. He stunk it up, but he sure learned fast.
- Failing sucks. Big surprise right? But that is why it is best teacher. You remember those "Oh man I screwed up" lessons acutely. Just think of the first time you wrecked a car. Bet you remember that one well - and I am so sorry Julie Garff about your brand new Honda. Glad you knew the dealer.
- When you try and fail and just cannot do it, you learn to ASK someone for help. And when you desperately need that help, you will actually listen to the person teaching you. I can only imagine what I would learn if I ever learned to ask for directions. Maybe one day.
There you go. Go and try it with your kids. Or more to the point, don't try with your kids. Let them try themselves. Let them mix up the salt and sugar in their cookie recipe. Let their heads go under water for a few second when first learning to swim (though knowing CPR is recommended). Let them fall on their keisters when they first try ice skating...
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