42 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything

I am 42 today. 

According to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 42 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. This Answer was first calculated by the supercomputer Deep Thought after seven and a half million years of thought. Unfortunately after all of those years, they forgot what the question was.  Nevertheless, I have reached this magical number which holds the secret to the universe… somehow.  So on this special day as I sit alone at my computer in my pre-working gym shorts, moccasins, and a wife-beater (san-wife these days), I am reflecting on a few of my own secrets the universe which I shall share with both of you that care:

• Being nice is far more effective than being a jerk in all matter (unless you're looking to rise through the ranks of the SS, then being a racist wanker seems to be a core competency)
  
• If someone uses a Sharpie on your dryer race board, just color over it with the normal dry erase marker then erase it. Works wonders.
  
• If you parent your children well at home before they are 18, you will have to spend far less time parenting your children after the age of 18 while still living at your home, but far less cute by then.
  
• Countries with the lower standards of food safety seem to produce the best tasting food.  Wouldn't you rather go out for Thai, Mexican, or Chinese food instead of English, Swedish, or German food?  Me too.  You can keep you rotkoln Germany.
  
• Kosher salt! It really is so much better than regular table salt, and no yarmulke required.
  
• The safest way to drive is just assume that everyone else in the road is a complete raging idiot and may act in such a manner without notice at any point in time (there are some parallels to politics here too).
  
• Trying to redefine God in order to meet your own lifestyle and desires is a bit like trying to visualize a Twinkie as a carrot in hopes that it will be healthy.
  
• You can bribe the man to do most anything with donuts (“Held you move your eight bedroom home? Will there be donuts?”)
  
• Complaining is only valid if you’re working to rectify the basis of your complaint at the same time.
  
• If you stir a Slurpee with your straw while drinking it, you do not get that annoying air pocket at the bottom.
  
• Being comfortable in your own skin is much easier than trying to comfortable by being someone else – this includes being comfortable with your oddball blog.

And because it is my birthday, I’m giving myself a gift and not proofreading any of this. So Happy My Birthday everyone from the purveyors and staff of Brett’s Big Bad Blog… all of which turned 42 today.