The OTHER Reasons to Vote for Donald Trump that have Nothing to Do with Merit…and When Did America Start Caring About Merit Anyway?

You may or may not be considering casting your vote for Donald Trump this year, but either way you vote you will likely be voting for someone who, let's face it... sucks as a human being.  It is unsurprising if you feel like Gozer is asking you to chose the form of the Destructor and you get to decide if the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man will being wearing a pantsuit or have a bad comb-over. So when a choice of awful choices is all we have, as often happens in politics (and Home Owner Associations), we need to looks at less obvious reasons to head to the polls.  With this in mind, here are some reasons that you may have overlooked in considering giving your vote to DONALD TRUMP:  

• While Trump has the morals of your average Hollywood socialite, which is somewhere between the morals of a meth addict and Hollywood Blvd. hooker, Hillary Clinton has the moral fiber of The Gambino Crime Family, the Cali Cartel, and Aaron Hernandez on a bad day.
  
  
• You know those over-the-top loose cannon third-world leaders that are so unpredictably nuts that no one dares mess with them for fear that they will do something so outlandishly stupid that the world will regret it?  Yep, we will have our very own one of those!  No one will dare mess with the USA.   MERICA!!!
  
  
• In a chapter of some future history book on the fall of North Korea, it will read…As President Trump hung up the phone, effectively ending the fruitless negotiations with Kim Jong-un's North Korean, the he delivered his final trademarked words to the despot, "Kim, YOU'RE FIRED!" and President Trump pushed the button.
  
  
• Politicians love to name laws, but they give them such boring names like "The Affordable Heath Care Act" or "The American Inventors Act." With Trump we will get absolutely amazing names like "TRUMP the Immigration Law" and "I'm Really This Smart So I Lowered Your Taxes Bill" (which of course will get shorted to "The IRTSSILYT Bill")
  
  
• The White House intern pool will be at far less risk with a busy Donald Trump in the White House than a First Frat-boy Bill Clinton with ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD on this hands.
  
  
• It is our moral duty in the furtherment and progression of mankind to expel the pantsuit once and for all.  Voting for Hillary is directionally incorrect and actually stylistically immoral.
  
  
• Trump is actually a big softee.  He even love cats, he really likes to grab them and… [wait… my producer is telling me that Trump was NOT in fact talking about felines….my apologies.   He was talking about what?!?  He was talking about THAAAT?  Talking about THAT to Billy Bush?  I hope TRUMP never gets into male locker room talk with Congressman Wiener]
  
  
• With Washington DC in mind, perhaps Jack Nicholson was right, "This town needs an enema!"  Or maybe Heath Ledger summed it up best when he encouraged everyone to "Upset the established order."  Never mind that both lines were delivered by the Joker, everything has already become chaos by the Jokers in Congress.  So maybe we all just push the crazy button and see what happens.

Well there you have it.  You are now better informed on your unpresidential presidential candidates.  And with these considerations in mind, I hope that America makes the right choice this upcoming elections season and gets out... and buys a food storage and handgun!  We are all going to need it!