Evan McMullin: Presidential Hopeful or A Dude Going All-in to Get Out of the Singles Dating Scene?

There has been a lot of debate as to why Evan McMullin entered the presidential race.  Is he a Hillary plant? Or maybe he is a Romney puppet for the Anyone-But-Trump camp?  Perhaps he could just be a patriot that is unsatisfied with the big party options?  These are all possibilities.  Yet, I have a different theory.  If you are not aware, Evan McMullin is single and has never been married.  As a fellow 40+ Mormon single, albeit divorced rather than never married, I can spot a guy who is going all out to land a quality woman, rather than a man who thinks he will actually end up as the US president.

Think about it, it makes sense.  The guy spends his prime dating years (years with hair) in the Middle East hunting jihadists. Not the most fertile LDS dating grounds.  I mean in Afghanistan, the field is white, all covered in… poppies; and going local was not the best option.  Those burqas make it tricky to spot your soul mate (wow, she has lovely eye lashes); and remember that whole Rachel and Leah debacle?  Nope, if the Old Testament taught you anything, it’s that you should never marry a woman dressed head to toe in a rug.  Next he went off helping refugees, but it’s just hard to get a woman’s phone number when she’s fleeing a dictatorial regime (Assad’s, not Obama’s).  So this career choice was another tough dating stint for Evan.   Then he did a stint on Wall Street… post 2008 market crash. A German vet was more likely to get a date with a Parisian woman in 1946 than a Goldman Sachs broker would get in today’s limping economy.

So with this history,  the poor guy finds himself 40+ and single in Utah with a hairline migrating faster than one of his refugees  (No judgment here brother,  I’ve learned the hard way that generic Rogaine from Wal-Mart can only do so much).  And adding insult to injury, Evan is about to get bumped from the mid-single adult scene (30 to 45-ish) to the single adult scene (45 to dead), the land of the widowed Stake Presidents.

Up against these odds, biological clock a ticking (or at least hairline receding), Evan needed to up his LDS Singles profile; and what better way then running for president.  Think about it, a woman asks “what is it you do?”  She is expecting ‘Home Depot” isle manager, or in Utah more likely a realtor; everyone is a realtor around here.  Heck, I’M even a realtor.  But not with Evan, instead she will get “I am running for President of the United States of America.” And though his odds of winning the state don’t look good right, how many men have you ladies dated that 20% of all Utahans over 18 think should be president?  Not many I guess.  And what if he manages to take Utah? Write down “Awarded six presidential electoral votes in 2016” on your Tinder profile and let the swiping right begin.  It’s brilliant man!  Now, what if the impossible happened and after winning Utah Congress says “we want Evan,” dating problem completely solved.  It will not be hard to get a date when the first thought that goes through her mind is “I could be the first lady and have my own butler!”  And I thought my two-for-one card at the Hogi-Yogi was an enticing perk.  He’ll have it made.

Another bonus to Evan’s secret dating initiative is that women will finally believe his background story.  How hard must it be to get a woman to buy a life’s vignette that starts as “I was a CIA agent hunting terrorists in the Middle East and then after I got tired of that I started helping refugees.  I next tried Wall Street and then figured I’d run for president.”  These are the kinds of crap stories that guys named Vinnie from New York make up on their Plenty of Fish profiles.  I am sure dating-Evan was getting that “BS” snicker and eye-rolls from the ladies each time he tried to why he was not married yet.  Now, however, running-for-President Evan has had his story vetted and confirmed by the former head of the CIA and also confirmed by MSNBC (though MSNBC is not necessarily the source where one goes for truth these days… or ever for that matter).

And beyond all of this, the mere fact that he has challenged both Trump and Hillary and wasn’t told he was “WRONG” by the former candidate or that he didn’t mysteriously die at the hands of the later candidate suggests the man must be living under some kind of divine protection.  Or maybe it’s just that Hillary didn’t have any wet-work men out here in Utah – that kind of stuff is controlled by the #mormonmafia in these parts.   Then finally, if that dating profile doesn’t get Evan a date, he can brag that he has in fact received death threats from white supremacists.  There are few positive endorsements quite like being hated by Neo-Nazis; total street-cred Evan.

So there you have it.  While all of you are trying to figure out if you love or hate the guy, as a fellow single dude, I will sit back and admire a guy who has gone all out to land a date.  Best of luck to you man, not in the presidential pursuit so much, because I never mix politics and dating, but in the search for Mrs. McM.  Happy hunting… and don’t accept any ticking packages from Arkansas.