The Lame Realities of Real Business Travel

So I am off on another breakneck business trip.  My kids seem to have this idea that my trips are these exciting trips to exotic places.  This is partially my fault as I will only take picture of the cool thing that I see in the few hours after work and spare them the photos of me in boring meeting (many if which I am in charge of - so it is MY fault they are boring).  So I though that I would log what an actual business trip looks like.  I'll put this post up now and update it as I go along.  So here goes...

Getting Ready:

I am a last minute packer.  I have to leave today at 3:00 and I started packing at 2:00.  In fact I am not sure why I am writing this right now, but what they hay.  For me traveling attire is about comfort and functionality.  After a long search, I finally found the perfect cargo pants for traveling at a second hand store.  So I can put all of my junk in there and not leave in on the plane.  My general rule for how I look is "Would Jason Bourne where this?"  Yep, a little escapism helps me forget the mundane nature of the goals of my work travel.  And if not Jason Bourne, I feel like a hobbit heading off on a journey.

I have to make sure I have all of my stuff, including food.  Today I am traveling with Kit Kat bites, Pepperige Farms Brussel's cookies and beef jerky... the snack food of champions.  

OK.  All packed. I have my fuzz buster in my truck and ready to haul the hours to the airport and find that perfect spot in long term parking.  Exciting.

At the Airport

I like to add in a little "oh crap" time in when I travel, so when things go wrong, I am not toast. Today I used that time to pull off of the freeway when a giant spotted ghost lunged up from the bed of my truck while doing 85 and threatened to jump on the hood of the car behind me - my daughters fuzzy blanket. Got that sucker tucked back in. 

Sunday at the airport is nice, no lines and football. 

No just waiting to bored, I mean board.

On the Plane

When it is time to board, it is like the dinner bell ringing at a diet camp. 

Fortunately, I am not going to China, because it is twice as bad with no one obeying any of the boarding instructions. I will say I always hope I get to sit next to a Chinese women, they take up no shouder space. Unfortunately, I have to dudes sitting next to me with way too much shoulder touching for comfort. I am not homophobic, I am dude-a-phobic. I don't care if they are straight or gay, I don't want then touching me.

I did upgrade to extra leg room in "economy comfort"...

I think this is a bit like $.01 Wamart Rollback special.

I will admit that Delta has the best safety video. Someone finally figured out that if you make the video funny, people will watch (patent conferences could learn something here)

"Keep aisles clear"

Some kind of discouragement to Wyoming boys against joining the Mile-high club. 

There is also a "Trouble with Tribbles reference" for the Trekies out there (I missed the photo). 

The rest of the flight was less exciting. They charged $6 to watch a movie (I am too cheap for that), so I rewatched Easy A on my phone, worked on a PowerPoint, and watched football. I have not stood up for nearly five hours (the curse of middle seats) and want to get my sweaty bum off of the jet. 

In Boston

Landed in Boston at 11:45 local time. Waiting on the runway to finally deplane. Now it's time to find a shuttle. Boy this business travel is sexy!

It is exactly midnight and I get to wait for a shuttle. 

Did I mention have a meeting that begins in 8 hours and the meeting location is 2 hours away?  This may explain my lack of desire to wait for a shuttle. 

12:23 - HAS THIS WOMAN IN FRONT OF ME NEVER RENTED A CAR BEFORE!

12:30 - In a car and ready to go. 

1:40 - Made it to the hotel. I have to be up in hours. Nice. Off to bed at the Hampton Inn in Concord, NH. 

I am never quite sure what I'm supposed to think about this sign. I thought it was a given.

6:45 – I am up I'm ready for my one hour drive to my meeting. I know George Clooney looks really sharp when he goes to work meetings in the morning, but this is what I wear my industry. Not quite as fancy. 

(Sadly that is the least lame photo of myself)

(I must admit the drive is beautiful)

I made it to the mothership in 45 minutes. I owe this time in no small part to my Fuzz Buster and to the fact that I only had to pass one Prius in the left-hand lane. Now into an all day meeting.

Back to the Airport

3:45 - 1 room, 5 PowerPoints, and 7 hours later, I am done at the office and heading out if town. 

Made it to Boston in less than 2 hours. Catching some dinner at the airport next to two guys pounding away on their computer (probably blogging too) before my flight in 30 minutes.

6:40 - On the plane to Cleveland. Not sure if I am lucky or not to have both an aisle and a window seat, but I do know it is not a leg room seat as advertised (unless you are a Smurf)

 Boston from the air:

In Cleveland

8:45 - Cleveland.  Yeah! I am in Cleveland, that is if you like Cleveland. Time to go find another can and drive another 90 minutes. That should make for 7 hours of meeting, 4 hours of driving, and two hours of flying today. Ah, the good life. 

Oh they are handing out our bags, I'll look for mine, the black on... Just like everyone else's. 

Rock on, another Chevy Spark!  Another  some smart car getting its baptism by fire. 

10:30 - Made it to Akron. Yeah, I'm in Akron...  Some Monday night football and time for bed.

7:00 – Up again to meet with lawyers.

12:00 - Exciting chicken strip basket for lunch and back to meetings.

5:00 – Done with nine hours of meetings and driving back to Cleveland in the rain in the traffic.

7:00 - Back in Cleveland now.

Now no business trip is all bad and busy.  There is always a chance for a fun dinner with coworkers, friends, or both.  So I got to end my trip with dinner with some old friends.  These little side shows allow a guy to come up or air for a few minutes, reminisce on old times and eat lots and lots food.  Ahh... a break.

Now back to in to the grind.

9:00: I have to turn my car into the airport at 5:30 am, so I want to fill up tonight.  Yet I am certain it is a rental car conspiracy that they require you fill up you car within 10 miles of the airport or they charge you $9.90/gallon.  Yet EVERY gas station nearby is closed.  I think that I burned up more gas looking for a gas station than I did on the rests of my trip.

So gassed up now, I am ready to hit they hay to be up at 5:30 a.m. to catch my flight.  So I can finally end this post.

Headed Home

6:30 am - Back at the Cleveland airport. I finally have a flight where some good seats are available, but I can't upgrade. I think I'll just curl up in my tiny seat and watch Frozen over and over again until the flight is all over. I just might sing along  until the guy next to me grabs me and yells "I DONT WANT TO BUILD A $%#^ing SNOWMAN!"  I wonder if that would get the plane turned around?

Home

10:40 - I arrived in Utah and am done with writing this post. But here are my closing stats between Sunday evening and Wednesday morning:

8 hours driving

4 different flight

11 hours in the air

14 hours of meeting

I am ready for home.