What Social Media Tells Us About All of Us

 

I look back and miss the good old days when everyone did not know what everyone else was doing at every moment of every day.  Back when if I was not at home, you could not get a hold of me.  When going to the potty simply meant taking care of bodily functions and not a time to catch up on what the rest of the world is doing (while being very careful not to confuse the texting hand with the wiping hand - that is not covered by Apple Care).  This narcissistic utopia which is social media (including purveyors of bad blogs) gives a glimpse into the psyche of our fellow man.  And since I do write a widely popular blog (at least popular amongst my extended family and my mother), I am obviously qualified to offer up my conclusions as to...

...what social media says about society and myself:

1. Humanity had no idea how vain it really was... until social media was invented.  I remember sitting in an outdoor restaurant in Shanghai as two Chinese women sitting at the same table entirely ignoring one another in favor of taking literally  HUNDREDS of selfies with various incarnations of pouty expressions. I was tempted to smash their phones to really help them capture that perfect pouty look.  And come-on, selfies are unnecessary as you Chinese all look pretty similar anyway.   (OK that was uncalled for and rude, but I'll apologize when stop referring to us whities a "Foreign Devils" because we look different.  It cuts both ways.  But to all of my many Chinese friends, you know I love you, or Yu, whatever the case may be.)
   
2. My Halloween costumers are not nearly as creative as I thought they were.  I guess throwing on my old Mongolian traditional clothing year after year isn't keeping up with the Zombie-Vampire-Stripper incarnation of Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz that flashes up (no pun intended) on Instagram.
   
3. There are more things in this world that I care absolutely nothing about than I ever could have imagined.
   
4. I think the rest of the world, or at least the female half, values the APPEARANCE of their food much more than I do.  If it tastes good, I eat it.  No matter what it looks like.  To illustrate this point, chuck a Snickers in a public swimming pool and see what people think it is.  Despite the fact that a Snicker can pass for a human waste analog, it is still a tasty treat.
   
5. It is an inescapable global fact that most of our lives are merely a parade of the mundane that we attempt to embellish with occasional vacations, good meal, concert, and hot dates.  Where are the photos of dirty dishes, poopy diapers, and PowerPoint presentations?
   
6. I have now seen enough video documentary evidence of rednecks and skater-dudes (as both share the same famous last words, "Dude watch this....") to conclude that my gene pool is much deeper than I originally believed it to be.
   
7. The social media gods have a sick sense of humor.  This can be demonstrate by going to Facebook after a particularly rough day and seeing that you have 15 notifications.  Once you find these 15 notifications, your excitement will be peaked thinking you will find a post from an old college friend laughing old late-night Denny's photos.  Wrong.  Instead you will unfailingly find 7 CandyCrush requests, 7 Farmville requests, and a link predicting the end of modern society from your uncle in Northern Idaho.
   
8. Judging by the number of improving your marriage related links being shared about, the vast majority of marriages must be screwed up one way or another (or at least in the need of counseling).
   
9. When the "Selfie" is replaced by the "Smell-fie," I am flushing my phone down the toilet and going back to Morse Code.
   
10. A Facebookers "life-satisfaction" level can be calculated as an inversely proportion to the number of Facebook posts made in a given week.
    
11. "Liking" your favorite sports team page is a mistake, especially if they are not very good.  This is because when the lose, Facebook will remind you over and over and over again that your teams sucks for an entire week, if not the entire season.
    
12. Celebrity gossip and wardrobe malfunctions travel much faster than world news.
    
13. No matter when you look, you can always find someone doing nothing at all and telling the world about it.    (Quit looking at me... I am writing a blog... it's a thing... [sort of]... that I do by myself... in a closed room... at night... in the dark.  Yah, you are right. I guess I'll go check Facebook to see if someone loves me...................... Frick'n Farmville!)